somewhere over the rainbow;

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

sick+breakdown = die ~

hi everyone! today is the shortest day in school, so i end school early! yay-ness! hahas, still in sick condition! flu+cough and my throat hurts too!! feeling very uncomfortable with blockednose! argh, so like cannot breathe. had floorball morning run today! 8rds and my legs' nerves are so pain after the 6rds! haha, did not do warm up! haha, onli the kasim do i think! yusi and me are like chatting before running! after running go and apply deep heat! omg, the feeling is so OMG! lols. hahas! yusi and i were like keep seeing someone after the training! we are not that tiko or wadd, just that we love to see cool people. (: omg, the person is so freaking cool larh! we cant take our eyes off from the person! hahas! cant believe the person is so cool and the person behave like one of our pe teachers!! hahas. totally same! COOL people rocks my lyfe nowadays! hahas. had lessons~ time flies today! hahas!
after school went home with daphne&juan&huiyang! hahas, we all go causeway point! huiyang left to meet her cousin so the 3 of us went to have our lunch! hahas, after lunch chatted the whole afternoon time! gossiping, crapping and laughing! saw jinger*laopo! omg, she is deaf larh! i called her so many times and she dint hear me! haha, her frends told her i called her! so funny larh she! went to walk around too! went back home finally at 6pm! hahas! was very tired and my legs are still in pain. cries*~
shigehisa! he is so cute larh! hahas, he give me his blog to listen to the song i want! so sian diaoz de lorh! somemore dare to lie me that is his frend's blog lor! hahas, see he is so bully lorh! hahas. he also funny because he say he dont want let me see the blog in the end let me go enjoy his blog music? LOLS! so cute only larh! shigehisa rocks rocks rocks!
SLP! stop saying i weak! wo shi ni de lao gong lei! LOLS! she very cute one larh! dont want wife me becos i walk away! LOLS! so cute onli! hahas. i only sick for a week and she is complaining that i am weak! what only larh she! LOLS! she is playing maple now! so funny! hahas! SLP, thanks!
i am feeling so hais now! so so so so hais now! i keep on hais-ing now! i know i am supposed to smile & not to sigh forever, but sorry i cant. i am feeling so sorry for what i am doing now. i dont want that too but what to do when i feel so down again and again. how many times of down must i face in order not to feel that again? i wonder my cousin & frends words somehow can let me regret alot of things? words dont affect anyone but it seems to have effects on me somehow.
i am going to be real dead if i continue to be like that. hais. going to be dead for alot of things. feeling so breakdown whenever i face anything. i am feeling useless now. i tried to be strong but i fail. i tried to stay happy but i fail. wad a kai xin guo i am. totally fail to be a kai xin guo. i tried to think positively but i fail again. how many times i fail, i forget. everytime i turn back and realised no one behind me. should i move forward or move backward or remain on the same spot? afterall, i am just a small small girl in a big big world. my mind are starting to run wild again. i dont wish to think that again too but i cant. i cant afford to stop thinking whenever i cant take on to something. i hate myself for being that useless too. sorry people who i promise. hais. i remember when jinger say: let me be the big bottle. i was totally touched by her words. so can i have a big bottle instead of a small one. i wonder how many bottles i filled up already? how many more bottles do i need to fill again? i wonder when can i stop all this feelings. so many wonders but not solve eventually.
dont know what to say anymore. thanks SLP again, the best lao po i ever have! thanks; mwarhs. bye everyone.

when i say i love you ; i really do (:
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only illusions;

9:30 PM