somewhere over the rainbow;

Friday, August 25, 2006

BACK finally =D

back to update here finally! going to blog from wednesday to friday! =D!
wednesday- i got my chemistry SPA! argh, got very depressed in the morning somehow! i feel so lost in my chem, i feel i know nuts about the SPA at all! i am totally lost somehow! i cheered myself up by calling my friends' name! hahas, a nice way of making myself happy! thanks for all my friends who have been by my side always! i love all of you! hahas! the spa is like mock spa just that i am just as panic as any spa! argh, cries! went to siling primary school to interview the teacher who our group supposed to interview with! hahas, nana and me went to find shujuan, huiyang, zhongxun and vinCENT they all after that! hahas! we did nothing but just crapping? hahas! they did their pw while nana and i were like slacking as usual! hahas, went home with vinCENT after school! hahas, can say this is the nicest and most memorable trip back home somehow! hahas! (: thanks vinCENT so much! hahas, he should know why i thanks him so much! hahas!
thursday! LONG lesson day! hahas, went for my cca morning run! hahas, run 2KM only, i was feeling rather afresh after the run! hahas, i love running! hahas! spend my day with those people i love as usual! hahas, went back home super late not because lesson end at 5.40pm just that we stayed back to do our homework! hahas! then mr vincente aka mr nonsense came and look for me for chemistry! argh, feeling so funny and dumb in front of him! he dont need me to help me at all actually because he just sit there and did his work by his own! hahas! mr nonsense is cute ah! hahas! stop sleeping late during school times and thanks for all those late night chat! hahas! just love crapping with him and love him scolding me nonsense! hahas! we went to eat our dinner together! hahas, i was just playing with the drinks! hahas! i love my days with them!
friday! hahas, a long day again! hahas, had econs test! argh, should say i know nuts about what am i writing! argh, i am afraid to fail! please please, let me pass! had my cca training after school! hahas, we did some sticks work and ran 3KM outside school! hahas, the run is cool! hahas, running; I LOVE! hahas! nana, shujuan, xinfang, clarence, zhongxun and vinCENT waited for me! i am so touched by them! hahas, sorry guys to make you all wait till 630pm! thanks and love you guys! hahas, play bball after that? hahas, went home at about 730+ or later, forget! hahas, then went to have dinner with them! hahas, went home at 9+pm! argh, bath and online! hahas!
oh ya! wednesday is my tang di LEE GENG YUAN'S birthday ah! finally 17 liao hor! hahas, respect me okie! hahas, remember to do well for you O levels and come to IJC! hahas, it is the best JC always! hahas! thanks for being such a nice tangdi always! hahas, remember i used to abuse him by drawing on him! hahahas, i think i am so crazy last time! thanks for listening to what i wanna to say always! thanks for being the best tang di although u are not the one and only tangdi i have! u are the closest tang di to me! hahas! tangjie loves you! hahas, happy belated birthday! LOVES-
well, today is faizal law's birthday! hahas, going to sms him later! going to make sure that i am the last one to wish him happy birthday! hahas!
xiaowei is cute i swear! hahas, he is like so cute to me always! thanks and try to get enough sleep! hahas!
nana, remember no matter what, i will be there for you! i am a friend who will never give up on you, just like how you dont give up on me! hahas!
my lovely, wonderful, nice clique! thanks for being by my side always! i really really do not know how to thanks you guys! i really really love my life because of you guys! i appreciated you guys always! love you guys! nana, shujuan, huiyang, xinfang, zhongxun and vinCENT! hahas! thanks for making my lyfe so nice always! LOVES- i love my pw group as usual too!
my lyfe just is not as smooth as before! someone really make me so angry this few days! what is no one cares about you or what! just that your actions make people angry or the way you speak does not have any positive impacts on others. do you ever think before you speak? do you ever think before you comment on something? i am just so angry with the way you present yourself now, you are just not the same as who i used to know!
i feel i am not on the track anymore! i dont know should i be off the track this time round or it is just another moment that i will be out, the next moment i will be on the track again! i am really really confused! i dont know what to choose, either be out of track always or try my ways to get back to the track! argh, someone tell me what to do!
i just cant express my feelings well, i wish i can speak what i wanna to say always! it is like i dont know how to start! argh, i wanna to say my feelings out loud!
dont make me fall any deeper, dont make me hold any longer! i just afraid that i will not be able to take it anymore. i dont know what am i supposed to do with you! i really wish i can be my usual self in front of you! not to ignore you but went to say a hi to you and give you a smile!
so many things to be completed over the weekend! every subject also got homework i supposed! argh, i wanna to cry! i got so many homework to do somemore got chemistry test! argh, the chemistry test cover almost the whole of the chemistry that we had studied! what is a difference between this test and promos? hahas!
i wanna be who i am, i wanna be the one who bring a smile to everyone everyday of my lyfe! i wanna everyone around me to be happy!
thats all. bye and take care everyone! hahas!
nites and bye everyone! takecare!

thoughts / feelings - - Aug. 22, 2006 at 07:00 AM
i am back to update my blog!

my feelings are so mixed up, i dont know what am i feeling now! sad? angry? depressed? happy?

saturday slack at home and went for my guitar lesson! hahas! a rest day for me finally!

sunday! went to zhongxun's house and had fun with nana, xinfang, shujuan and vincent! really really a very nice day! hahas, played badminton! hahas! omg, my fav! thanks to them if not my racket would be still in coma state! went to CCK with them to eat my dinner! hahas! they are supposed to do CIP but shujuan's toes injured so postphoned! hahas! went to take neoprints with nana, shujuan, zhongxun and vincent! hahas! OMG, i just love hanging out with them! hahas!

chatted with shujuan and nana alot during the badminton breaks =X just one solution for me that is either to say it out loud or to give it up! argh, my heart tell me to say it out, my mind tell me to give it up! so should i listen to my heart or my mind! i dont want to make any decision for the time being! argh, shoo!

monday! had my long days in school! i was dumb! very very dumb! argh, i tried to control my tears in front of my friends! i really really hold back my tears, somehow the tears still rolled down! argh, i am so useless!

tuesday! argh, i screwed my physics SPA! i went totally so nervous for the last 10minutes! i feel like crying but i cant! my hands were shaking when i was writing! argh, i was totally very afraid! i dont know how to describe how i feel! why must i screwed up all my SPA? hais, i am very very disappointed with myself! hais.

walked back home with nana, xinfang, shujuan and vincent! hahas, just love them! hahas, after that walked home with vincent because xinfang say i lazy >.< hahas!

someone asked me, why are you in JC? the answer is i dont know which course to go to and i dont seem to have any sense of direction in my life at all! i dont have any future in the other words! hais, what am i supposed to aim! a life without a aim is meaningless no matter what!

i dont know who am i at all. i know i am way to dumb to be in JC, my english is so lousy, very noisy, irritating, fan and qian da! argh, what am i supposed to do?

i dont wish to be the cause for the problems between 2 person. i really feel so bad. i dont know what am i supposed to do. confused`

chatted with xiaoxin yesterday! didnt really tell him the problems i am facing, just tell him a little! i dont know how am i supposed to tell him! i know i trust him alot, just that i dont know how to tell him! xiaoxin, thanks! i know you will be there supporting me always like what you say! thanks, i love my xiaodi!

i am not feeling lost this time round. just that the words that people say make me reflect alot on myself. i dont know whether i should take those words to heart or to ignore them! seriously, i dont know what to choose! i cant choose to ignore. i cant run away from my feelings!

alhtough i told myself to ignore those words! i cant ignore! my mind will just keep on reflecting what they say about me! argh, my mind is running wild again, i dont know how to stop it! i really really hate the feelings!

you stil choose to ignore me.
i am going to be dead one day.

sigh`

=SIGN OFF=

happy belated b'dae ultrawoman<3 - Aug. 18, 2006 at 09:48 AM
just end hang up my phone with vincente and i am BACK to update my blog again! hahas, finally this week ended. this week is full of tests and the days are long always! monday long day, tuesday phy quiz, wed chem mock spa, thurs maths test, friday econs test and chem skill D quiz! hahas! i cant believe i passed this week with all my tests and quiz! hahas, it is so unbelieveable! YES, i did it! hahas!

dinner with nana, huiyang, shujuan, zhongxun and vincent really make me laugh until my whole stomach almost cramp! hahas! i love laughing!

today is photo taking day! OMG, finally i stand up to take class picture! not that i am tall, it is just the arrangement! hahas! i am super happy!

today is also my happy fruit kelvin's b'dae! HEY, Happy b'dae my happy fruit! hope ya dont be sad fruit anymore and all the best in whatever you do! hahas!

went to science centre to meet the scientist! hahas, science centre is so fun, just some thoughts came back to me and i feel so paiseh! hahas! nevertheless, nana, xinfang, shujuan, huiyang, zhongxun, clarence and i enjoyed! hahas!

next week, i will be having both my phy and chem SPA, tues and wed respectively! i am afraid for chem spa this time round! i always screwed up my SPA! i dont know why i just got so panic when it come to SPA! omg, please save me and pray for the best for me!

this week i spend my time with nana, shujuan, xinfang, huiyang, vincent and xiaoxun! hahas, we are somehow become closer and closer! hahas! i love my PW group also, thats is nana, jinlong, fangwen and linkai! hahas! LOVES!

chatted with my dearest xiaoxin today! OMG, i really really miss my xiaoxin! hahas, just talked to him and i feel so nice! thanks ah xiaodi! hahas, i really really love my xiaodi! LOVES LOVES LOVES-

chatted with my little ultrawoman! happy belated b'dae my dear! i hope u will be happy always huh! hahas, once my friend, always my friend! take care huh my little ultrawoman! hahas, i love love my ultrawoman the most! hahas! remember to enjoy ur lyfe to the fullest! LOVES-

online chatted with nana, shujuan, zhongxun! hahas, vincent is in but he is not saying a single word! hahas! wadd onli! nice time with them, just abit crazy crazy like that! hahas! LOVES-

sms-ed vincente! hahas, the mr nice guy who i used to joke with him! hahas, as usual he is very very nice! hahas, thanks for being so nice always OKIE! hahas! LOVES-
was on the phone with him just now! we chatted for nearly 2 hours! hahas! thanks to him and i am not so sian always! LOVES- hahas, i am super crappy and he is busy doing his maths! hahas! mr nonsense! =D

eyes contact with him on wednesday! omg, i am so shocked and scared after the moment! i was telling myself that i am not dreaming! hahas, yes, i am not! hahas! i just went so HAHA! i will stop that moment if i can! LOVES-

the backview of you is so nice always.
i still choose to ignore and
you ignore me too!

dont ignore me,
i will be crazy over you still.
i will never give you up till i could no longer hold on to you.

i choose to hold on `

=SIGN off=

HIGH! - Aug. 15, 2006 at 08:02 AM
I AM HERE TO UPDATE!

alrights, a nice day because today i feel so happy! hahas, just feel singing is nice always! hahas, vinCENT sing cute eh! hahas! just spend my day after school with nana, shujuan, huiyang, xiaoxun and vincent in the library! i just keep singing KISS GOODBYE! hahas!

i am very high today! hahas, just just just very high! dont know what got into me?

you always choose to ignore me x(

=sign 0ff=

down // hais ` - Aug. 14, 2006 at 07:20 AM
i am very down now, just feel that i am such an idiot! argh, i dont know how to explain.

i guess i should not be in JC seriously. i am too dumb to be here with all the smart people all around me. someone say my studies is like shit and my understanding is real weak! hais, it just break my heart into pieces! do you think i really want to be that dumb? do you think i want my understanding of things to be so weak? i wish i can be as smart as alot of people but i cannot be smart! i wish i can also dont study alot but score well in the examinations and tests! i study so hard for my examinations but i am just the one who dont do well for it always! hard work dont paid off, is it the results are trying to tell me that? it shows clearly one thing, hard work dont paid off! so what am i supposed to do? the only thing i can do is to be more hardworking because i am not born smart and i am slow always! just one thing, i am not smart!

i dont belong to JC at all. i dont belong to this world at all. so where do i belong to?

what is going on to my chinese? how am i going to score well again! hais, my composition just did so badly. i am sad, did anyone knows?

why must i be stress by my pw whenever i got my tests, examinations, SPA or alot of homework? why must it always be like this, i dont want to give up on my studies for the sake of my PW. i really dont want to give up my studies! i really cannot take it sometimes, i will just cry and cry! i just feel so hopeless!

i am sorry to my pw mates because the file is too big to be send! sorry guys! i am really very sorry! hais.

so many things going on this week, i am going to be dead again i supposed. how am i going to survive! can someone teach me how am i going to survive?

he seem to hate me still, just somehow i cant get the feeling off from me. i know i am very irritating to him, i dont know how to change his point of views on me when he already fixed the point of views! it is hard to change people point of views on others always, so it means i got no more chance to make him change his point of views. today is definitely a day to make him to hate me even more, i am just so irritating.

i dont know how to hold on now. seriously, all of them are driving me to the corners of the walls. i dont know why am i still alive now? i should be dead, seriously, i wish to die. just let me die.

chatted with huiyang after school today while waiting for my friends! i really have a very nice talk with her, told her what happened and how i feel totally. i told her frankly about how i feel. somehow our character are alike in the terms that we are always thinking too much and are always overstressed by ourselves. i hope she dont think too much because she is very smart and things will be smooth for her.

thanks xiaowei. he is the first i talk to when i am feeling so down.

i am trying to hold on still because i know i am going to break down anytime. i cant guess when i am going to break down again. hais, save me if you can.

dont make me feel worse.
i feel like dying `

=SIGN OFF=

3DAYSpost! - Aug. 13, 2006 at 05:40 AM
finally i am back to update my blog! i am sick! argh, totally sian diaoz when i fall sick! headachde and flu < screams*

FRIDAY!
had my long long day! hahas, was really a nice long long day! hahas! did not go for my cca because i forget to bring my PE attire! hahas! after school played with my classmates! hahas, we were playing MONKEY! oh god. i cant believe we are JC mates! hahas, played MONKEY with nana, xinfang, xiaoxun, vincent, clarence, patrick! hahas! the GIRLS vs the BOYS! shujuan and her friend just sit there and watched the 7 of us playing! hahas, i really played until i am so happy! hahas, just keep running after the little rice balloon! hahas! I LOVE MY FRIENDS! hahas! went to have dinner with nana, shujuan, xinfang, xiaoxun, vincent and clarence! OMG! is great! hahas, i love to play MONKEY! lets have MORE!

SATURDAY!
went to JURONG BIRD PARK for my CIP with nana, xinfang, linkai and clarence! omg, is great! hahas, i was helping at the phototaking area! hahas, is great! hahas, i am not afraid of little parrots! they are so cute! hahas! i just played with them! hahas! did 5 hours there and i did not even eat my lunch! hahas, is fun being there! i love JBP! hahas! then shujuan and xiaoxun come and meet us! shujuan played a little future game with me! alrights, got perfect after so many tries! i went lalala after perfect! hahas =D! then the 7 of us went to jurong point to buy ah long present! hahas! before that i went to eat my lunch at mcdonald with shujuan!! omg, i am really very hungry! hahas! went to shop around! we found out that there is nothing we can buy there so we decided to went to bishan! hahas, was playing on the mrt with xinfang and nana! hahas, playing with the rice balloon again! took neos at bishan! we were pulling one another in! hahas, is fun because only nana and me were taking the neos nicely! the rest of them is LIKE SIAO DING DONG! HAHAS! i still love the neos! it is so SWEET! i will upload the neos here! hahas! supposed to be a 7 ppl neos but now is like dont know what! hahas! is fun being with them! then went off feeling not very good mood due to someone! hahas, went for guitar lesson with nana! hahas! is fun again just that we keep talking nonstop! hahas! GUITAR LESSON IS FOR US TO TALK! hahas! xiaoxun called me and i went on chatting with him till i got home! hahas, i am stil chatting with him when i got home, so i chatted till the time i was supposed to bath! hahas, i am so siao i think!

nana know i am happy because at least the someone cherish the friendship between he and me! hahas, i was happy and i forgive him straight away i saw the sms he sent to me! i know you cherish me as ur friend and also ur jiemei! hahas

SUNDAY!
did some reading on PW again! PW PW! hahas, i really really LOVE IT! hahas, watched tv! hahas, dont feel like doing anything at all! hahas, did my maths tutorial! hahas, just slack the whole day!

send a song to xiaowei! hahas, he loves the song too! is a very very nice song! hahas! LOVES-

qingaide- i am sorry i cant make it! i promise i will make it for the next time! thanks for being so understanding! I LOVE U SO MUCH! LOVES-

hiromi dear! stop being so busy! hahas, i know you miss me because i miss you too! hahas, make sure you spend ur day with me after your A levels! hahas! LOVES-

xiaoxin! I LOVE MY XIAOXIN! hahas, stop saying you are BAD huh! ahJIE loves ya the MOST! HAHAS! XIAOXIN XIAOXIN XIAOXIN, WO AI NI! LOVES-

what i want actually! this question really make me feel i got no direction in my life so far i supposed! argh, what i want!

perfection dont happen so easily! it is always a mircale that it happens! it just happen once in my life after so many tries. i am too stubborn to give up i supposed!

i still got a long way to go!
i am still on my long way!
i will enjoy for sure x)

my days were nice all along as long as i think it is nice!

belief -

=sign OFF=

i love today / x) - Aug. 10, 2006 at 09:05 AM
alrights, i am back to update my blog again!

today went to do PW with nana*darling! hahas, meet her at 1pm at civis library! did whatever we neeed and we went to eat PASTA again! hahas. one week i dont know eat how many times liao eh! hahas! then clar called me and nana and me chatted with him for almost an hour! hahas! suddenly nana got the mood to take neos so we went to take neos! hahas! shujuan called me and asked me something! HAHAS! it is funny! hahas!

went to jinlong house at around 5.05pm! hahas, went to collect my paper! hahas! then went back home online to chat and did my homework at 8.45pm! hahas! i am too blur and dumb because i thought i need to do the chem till assignment 13! sian diao! i am supposed to do until arenes nia! so i should not take my paper back from AH LONG! hahas! sian diaoz!

saw so many people at CWP again! hahas! got a shock by my saidi! hahas! thanks for suddenly appear beside me! hahas!

i am dumb for the sake of xiaowei! hahas! because i am dumb! hahas! i am still smart because i guess twice then i got it right ler! hahas! i am smart and also dumb!

chatted with the 4 or 5 of them today! haha, going out with them on SUNDAY! omg, i cant wait to go out with them! i hope teddybear can go! hahas! i just miss them!

chatted with bestest bud too! takecare eh bestest bud!

love today because today is good! in fact, i am going to love all my days! hahas!

i still chat with him! i failed again! sian diaoz!

tml there is school! YAY! LOVES-

=sign off=

a brand new ME < - Aug. 09, 2006 at 09:00 AM
happy b'dae SINGAPORE! i LOVE singapore!

spend my day with my family<3! i love my family! hahahas! bought things too! hahas. LOVES-

xiaowei say the sms to friends is mushy? hahas! oh no, i feel it is a very very meaningful SMS! wadd only eh he! hahas, he is always too cute so maybe the sms is only mushy to him only! hahas =D! i miss xiaowei! hahas! LOVES-

hahas! alrights, i love all my friendship!

chated with teddybear just now! omg, i miss the 5 of them! my qingaide, my dumbclown, my teddybear, my teacher, my mummy! hahas! just cant stop missing them! going to meet them up! hahas, teddybear promise to let me pester her every single day after my promos! hahas, i shall pester her till i get to move into ur house and she spend her 24/7 with me! hahas! teddybear is NICE! hahas!

nanaDARLING! dont think too much eh! think i dont know whats on ur mind? hahas! u are wrong nana! hahas, we are bestest bestie right! so i know u super super well! hahas, remember just trust me and things will be fine! hahas, remember what i promise to you also! hahas, lets brave through all together!

leader! oh god! stop hating the post! hahas, i love my LEADER! he is nice just sometimes get so OVER! hahas! stop saying i got alot of friends at CWP! hahas! remember not to fall sick! x)

9august! i am a new lihui! hahas! just too new that people will be shock! hahas, dont be shock! hahas! the new lihui is still funny and the one who cant stop laughing LOUDLY! hahas! CHEERS*

dont fast forward time! i wish time to stop now! hahas! just dont wish to fast forward time! give me a chance, i would choose either to let the time stop now or to turn back the time! i will never ever choose to fast forward my time!

i dont want to grow up! i dont want to get promoted! i dont want to work! i dont want to go to the future so fast!

she misses him! so where is him! hahas! i just feel like typing alot alot of nonsense here and there! aniway i am always full of nonsense!

the last day, the last night, the last time, the last moment, the last dance, the last me - all these last thing, will you ever remember?

i told myself that i am going to stop talking to him but i cant! omg, someone tell me what should i do now! i just cant stop talking to him whenever i see him ONLINE! hahas! stop me from all these chatting! i want to stop talking to him! someone just control me please!

i admit i am just too weak when i see him!

tml there is PW again! hahas, PW is my lyfe and i am loving it! hahas!

=SIGN off=

national eve x) - Aug. 08, 2006 at 07:34 AM
back to update my blog again! today is national eve! hahas, nice day of cos! tml is singapore's birthday!

meet xiaoxun at 7.45am to go back to riverside to receive our awards! hahas! saw riverside friends, omg, i miss them! i miss riverside too! OMG, so much of misses came to me at the same time! argh, i just miss riverside!

recevied the awards then xiaoxun and me went off at around 10am! we rushed back to innova to watch ijc's performance! so we reached ijc at 10.10+am! hahas, then the auntie take our ezlink cards! sian half! hahas! then we went to watch performance! hahas!

the performance is nice! hahas! saw my classmates and my friends performing on stage eh! hahas! then went to CWP to eat with my PW grp! pasta again! hahas! nice day with my PW grp even though it is just a meal! then went to boon lay with nana to buy books! hahas!

went to catch a movie - click! it is a very nice movie! everyone must go and watch it! hahas =D! went home after shopped for awhile! got home, online and started pw at 7pm! argh, pw! i love i love i love pw! hahas!

chatted with nana and clar on the phone! hahas, clarence say i am CUTE when i am stealing the cheese eh! hahas, thanks so much eh clar! hahas! chatted and had lots of fun in there!

xiaowei is CUTE and HOT and COOL today! oomg, i just went omg omg all the way! he looked very very very cool till i dont know how to express my views! hahas, he look very very kid always! he is the nicest and cutest and hottest and coolest xiaowei i ever know! LOVES-

today i didnt get to see my xiaoxin! OMG, very sad la! i dont know why! argh >.< he says he saw me on stage while i didnt get to see him at all! cries! LOVES-

what is ENOUGH! i dont know what is ENOUGH, SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME!

dont wish to say anything more.

the world is fair always, so if anything go wrong also i am to blame of it.

=SIGN OFF=

coincidences<3 - Aug. 07, 2006 at 08:09 AM
alrights, my mood shoot up to the maximum! i am very happy now! COINCIDENCES occur between people! hahas!

my ah kor nick is like "do you think you have a choice?"
my nick is like "do i have a choice?"

omg, coincidences! hahas, i feel so OMG happy! hahas, this ah kor of mine is nice! hahas! I WAS VERY VERY shock to see this similar nick! hahas! feeling happy! hahas! =DD

we talked about areospaces somehow because i like! hahas! then i think he like it too! hahas!

he is so sad because he think he do not have a choice! so i told him i give him a choice! hahas, then he is happy because he will be doing what he want to do! i manage to make him think abit positively! hahas =D

i hope my ahkor is not sad or stress! hahas, A levels he sure can do it one! hahas, dont be stress! hahas =DD
i know he must be lying himself that NDU < National Diving Unit is good! hahas! NDU is good! hahas! the uniform is nice, the unit is respected! hahas most importantly! hahas, it is his honour to be in that unit! hahas!

ahkor ROCKS!

xiaowei` thanks to him too! hahas, always the one who can make me feel better by talking nonsense thing! hahas! messy hair is NICE i supposed!

jinlong`nana`xiaoxun`weixiang > thanks =D! i love my friends! hahas! =DD

i cant never forget`

he say good nite again`

=SIGN OFF=

choice // time ` - Aug. 07, 2006 at 06:00 AM
alrights i am back to blog finally! yesterday i just cant update! hahas, i dont know what is wrong with HI5! hahas!

today was not a very good day for me because new things are ahead again and i am going to face them again and again!

lessons were long and after school went to eat pasta with nana and clar! i vomitted after that! i dont know why i just feel so full! aniway it is nice to spend time with them somehow.

saw alot of people today! i saw my HALFDI*LEX! he is smiling! omg, i am very very happy to see his smile again as he is always very depressed? hahas! TAKECARE HALFDI!

called my qingaide and SLP! hahas, i miss them so i called them up and chat for a few minutes each! i really really miss them! LOVES-

i dont know what is wrong with me today, i just cant concentrate well, i just cant let my mind stop running! i feel like running on the track, no matter is how many rounds! i just feel like running alot alot today!

i must be too stressed! i must be thinking too much again! i must be crazy again!

seriously, pw is adding on to my stress! i feel so stress again and again! i dont know what to do to let all the stress go! imagine to do everything in ur pw, i am really really dead! i am tired, can anyone just let me have a break! no matter how much i do, it is never enough i supposed. what is enough? hais ` i dont know limitations now! i love pw seriously! i love pw! i love my pw grp too! thanks! LOVES- i am going to be alive again!

xiaowei say i am fierce today, i think i looked very fan instead! thanks xiaowei for his smile! hahas, i just love see-ing people smiling! hahas! thanks! LOVES-

is the person who you trusted most always is the one who betrays you? is the person who you loved most always is the one who hurts you? can someone tell me the answer because i dont feel good at all. are all my feelings lying to me or is it my illusions again?

i want to hide away from the reality. i dont how to react i supposed. i am just behaving not like what i should be i supposed. i am just not lihui today!

how i wished everything is like a dream but it is not a dream at all. i got no choice but to face this cruel reality at all.

this is not the ending i want ever, i swear i dont want this to happen to. i dont want to face it too.

maybe i am too harsh, maybe i am too crazy, maybe i am too bad, maybe i am too sin, maybe i am too childish, maybe i am too dumb ` just alot of maybe!

the ship sank, everyone is still separated and i am still lost. i should not let the ship sank at the first place, i should not let everyone separated even though the ship sank. i am useless -

i realised i am too mood swings. i should change this or not i am going to have a serious split personality illness which i dont want.

everything is not the same, everyone is not the same, feelings are not the same, just then i realised the whole thing is not the same, it is too late. i just cant turn back the time anymore.

if give me a choice, would i choose the same. i doubt so. i really want the time to turn back then all these things would not become reality anymore.

turn back the time, just turn it back to the point i love the most.

i realised all these are just my thoughts` sigh!

i am always the cause of everything that has happened! i really wish i am dead because i am too sin. too sin that i cant even believe myself! argh, lihui why dont you die?

-end for today`

<<<< YESTERDAY POST >>>>
i am back to update my blog! supposed to update yesterday but i didnt because i do not have the mood to blog at all.

went to nana house in the afternoon around 12+pm! put my guitar in her house and we went to swim! hahas, we swim for almost 2 hours and we went off at 3pm!! we become darker! we had lots of fun too as we were talking alot there too! hahas! =DD then went to west mall to have my lunch! hahas! ate lunch and went to library! we borrowed same books from the library and left west mall at 5+pm! hahas, went back to nana's house and i did the R-mark design! NANA say it is nice! thanks NANA! hahas! then we practise our guitar too! then we went to our guitar lesson!

nana and me wished jinlong happy b'dae at around 12! so leader, stay happy okie! dont feel so stress always! hahas, got sick on his b'dae! hahas, so heng! hahas! aniway we going to celebrate his b'dae as PW group! IJC037! I LOVE!

nana was very angry yesterday because one auntie make her fall! oh my god, never u can imagine how fierce nana was! she was VERY VERY fierce! i got a shock! i was very shock! so people, dont make nana angry by letting her fall! you will be dead! hahas!

i was not feeling nice yesterday night! i just feel troubled. hais, just to say the ship has sank, everyone is separated and i am lost-

today went to library and do research with nana! hahas, we photocopied whatever we need! then we were very very tired! so we went off at 3pm! hahas! reached home and wanna to take a nap but somehow i just could not sleep! hahas! then slack the whole day! =D

xiaowei! he is lost! hahas, i miss him see-ing him online! XIAOWEI! WO XIANG NI! LOVES-

xiaoxin! hahas, i am going back to rss soon! i know he cant wait to see me and i cant wait to go back! hahas! we can meet each other ler! yay! miss! LOVES-

i am addicted to a song! hahas! is very nice!
> i can choose to cry, i can choose to hide, i cant possible choose to forget your smile.

everything is in a mess now. i dont know how to clear the mess. i dont know what more i need to do again. just dont feel like doing anything too but i cant i supposed. should i do what i am supposed to do? argh, i am going to be STRONG and do whatever i am supposed to do!

I LOVE SCHOOL!

=sign 0ff=

gone- - Aug. 04, 2006 at 07:38 AM
today is a very nice day i supposed! hahas, was feeling very tired right from the morning! VERY TIRED! i really want sleep today!

i was not in a very good mood because i just dont feel like talking. so i just on my MP3 to the max volume and listen to just ONE song! i just dont wanna to listen to what is happening all around me. i want to be in my own little world.

after school went to find teacher, waited and waited till 5.50PM! then went to CWP with nana to eat dinner then we went to walk around at CWP! we chatted alot alot of things. hahas, feel very very nice after chatting with NANA always!

XIAOWEI dance very nice today eh! just a few moments very stange nia! he is just so afraid of not nice, but today he was not looking vert strange instead the part on the floor is so perfect! hahas! he is very kiddo and blur BUT HE IS VERY CUTE! hahas =D i am just very siao nia! HAHAS!

NANA told me to put that thing behind my PW! yes, i did what she told me and i feel better. i am going to put that matter behind my PW! thanks NANA for making me feeling better and better as the days passed by. thanks! LOVES-

everything is so fan to me. am i so bad or what. these things are mostly caused by me i supposed. without me, maybe all these wont happened. i dont know what to do with myself at all. i dont wish to see all these. i dont wish to have things more to worry about. i dont want all these things at all!

i am having so many things to worry now. i dont even know what is right or what is wrong. everything that is in my mind is MY PW! my studies! i dont wanna anything more to be added in my mind! if not i am going to break down again!

i just dont wanna to talk. i just wanna keep my mouth shut. i just wanna to let myself be strong and dont be affected by anything at all. i am not going to be affected by anyone too. i am not going to be AFFECTED-

i am STRONG-
i will be STRONG-
i must be STRONG-

i still pretend i didnt see you.
i do not know is whether i want to avoid you or i am afraid to look into ur eyes.
i am gone now because he say good nite to me.

=SIGN OFF=

behaviour / x) - Aug. 03, 2006 at 08:33 AM
i am back again to update my blog! hahaha, today is a very gan chiong day for me because i am going with linkai and fangwen to interview the people of NEA! hahas, very very scared as my english is like OMG!

the day begins as usual just that today i meet yusi instead of nana! we had our cca morning run today. 6rounds x) hahas! so went for my lessons as usual after that! i was very very hot during the morning assembley! HAHAS!

today i wasnt very attentive in lectures or what because i am just too scare. i cant even think properly at all. my brain just cant stop thinking well. all the NEA things were in my mind always, never disappear at all! NANA gave me a big hug before going down to the canteen with linkai and fangwen! the best and warmest hug i had ever! thanks NANA, u make me rather strong at that time. i remember ur areoplane! =D

we left the school compound at 12.39PM! i was very anxious that i called xiaowei! hahas, i decided to tell him that in case if i die, he must buy 12lilies for me! i was feeling rather giddy and anxious while talking to him, i dont know what more to say! hahas, so i hang the phone after 1min+ talk! hahas, thanks XIAOWEI, u really make me feel better! i cant called xiaoxin because he is having lesson!

reached there, the place is very nice i must say! HAHAS! so we started our interview with them and i was still very very panic! cant stop feeling so panic! the interview is nice i must say! especially towards the ending part when i start talking nonsense again! hahas, i feel i am such a clown! we gave them our hotmail and the person was like ULTRAMAN! hahas, i was feeling so paiseh as well as the same time sian diaoz! hahas! i love ultraman, ultraman rocks! -D ultraman is really cute to me!

the interview lasted for an hour! hahas, we went back to woodlands after the interview! hahas, i was jumping around as i feel so happy! alrights, i dont mind saying that i LOVE NEA! NEA people are nice, friendly, funny and great! hahas, NEA; i LOVE!

we had our pe lesson! hahas, pe lesson is fun today! volleyball! although i dont realy like volleyball but today seem fun to me! HAHAS, i love PE so much! hahas, had maths test after PE! hahas, again! lesson ended at 7.05pm! hahas, the latest of the week! went to have dinner with nana, linkai, clarence, xiaoxun and jeffery! hahas, i was playing the MOBILE phone games with nana and linkai! hahas, this is fun and i must thanks guanhan for starting it! hahas!

saw rigel at causeway point's mcdonald! hahas, i miss her! hahas! then i started talking to her friend, if i remember correctly the name is mei wei! hahas, i dont even know her then we talked like as if we are friends that has lost contacts for 10years! hahas, i think i am seriously crazy for being too socialise! i just somehow keep talking to her! after that i talked to rigel's 3 other friends too! so i just talked to 4 strangers! hahas, i am mad seriously! they are very friendly i dont deny which make me feel that we seem to be friends somehow! hahas, i love talking to strangers =D i love making new friends out from no where! HAHAS, I LOVE!

went home at around 8.30+PM! hahas! took a bath and online! i am still doing my homework! today there is so much homework again! HAHAS!

nana, i feel the same way as you feel. thanks for making me feeling much better no matter what happens! BESTEST BESTIE ROCKS! LOVES-

xiaowei! he is so suay today! hahas, he agreed too! tml he is playing his bball again, well all the best for him tml! HAHAS, TAKECARE! LOVES-

i dislike the feeling! i hate it alot alot!

i wanna to ignore you in msn but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant stop looking at ur nick if i dont wanan talk to you. so i try my ways to talk to you somehow. i cant control my hands. i cant control my mind.

i didnt dare to look back.
i didnt dare to look at you.
i didnt dare to say hi.
i choose to ignore.
i choose to walk away.
i choose to act blur.
i choose to notice you secretly.
i choose those very irritating way of behaviour in front of you.

how more longer must i behave like this.
i wish i could do the opposite.

i wish to talk to you but i am afraid that you will ignore me. i am really afraid.

i am afraid i cant hold longer.
i am afraid i will be lost.
i am afraid i will be out from track.
i am afraid i will be gone.

dont ever say good night to me because i will be gone --

homework time =D!

=SIGN OFF=

thoughts x) - Aug. 02, 2006 at 07:27 AM
today is a very very good start for nana and me! we were both very happy! hahas! i am glad that things are the same which means we are happy! hahas, NANA, jia you!

NANA! thanks for the areoplane that you gave me! dont worry, i will always look at the letter when i feel down or what! i am so glad to have u as my friend! i thought u just fold a plane and gave it to me! just then i received, i realised it was a letter! no words can describe how am i felt when i read the areoplane's letter! hahas, NANA, THANKS for whatever you have done for me! i will be the same for ya de okie! thanks for what you say tonight, which make me feel alot better! i must sae i feel very good as i am not so troubled after that. thanks! hahas, remember today is a new day for us! we must do what we are supposed to do always, thats to stay happy! hahas! LOVES-

xiaowei! hahas! i called xiaowei today! gave him a little pat on his shoulders because he didnt see me! hahas! he is very very cute! hahas, very cute till i canot imagine! XIAOWEI IS CUTE! loves--

xiaoxun! HEYHEY! dont sound so sad always! must be happy okie! DONT THINK TOO MUCH! hahas! =DD! LOVES-

mummy! i miss my mummy! dont sound so sad ler la! BRENDA ONG MUMMY, LIHUI NU ER LOVES YOU! just remember that no matter what happens, i will be there for you. remember to stay happy eh! LOVES-

i get to see my qingaide and my dumb clown today! hahas! i know my qingaide miss me too much because she always miss me alot! clown look very clown today! hahas, was messing her hair! hahas! i miss them-

something that make me ponder so much.
something that make me feel so stress.
something that make me feel so lost.
something that make me feel so confused.
something that make me feel so argh!
i dont know.
i wish to run now-

i just wanna be happy-

=SIGN 0FF=

new start x) - Aug. 01, 2006 at 06:52 AM
before i turn into a brand new me, let me start saying my unhappiness because i am not happy at all for today.

my day was not good today. somehow.. i am upset by alot alot of things. nana was not happy too so i am feeling sad too. by the time i realised the mistake, it is too late. i dont know what can i do anymore. i should not add the thing in. it caused so much troubles and worries now. i know how bad the suitation is now, i can know how helpless everyone is now, i can feel how stress everyone is now, i can feel all the unhappiness things. i dont know what more can i help since the things has happened, i dont know how to carry on with the things now. i dont know what is good or bad to the things now, seriously i dont know. all i know now is to cry over the things! seriously i only know how to cry, such a freaking cry baby! why must i cry and cry always when i feel i am lost, stress or whatever! argh, i dont want to cry anymore!

whatever i done is always never enough. never ever enough. hardwork dont pay off at all and being appreciate at all. sigh, what more must i do? i wish i can die now.. i really hope to disappear from here! i hope i will never be here at all. i wish that all these are just dreams, i dont wanna to feel it anymore. i dont wish dreams to meet reality. i dont wish to see what is happening around me.

i am tired of whatever i have been doing. i am tired, really restless now. i dont wish to carry on to do what i am doing now. i wish to take a break. i wish all these things will end.

i am overstressing myself always. xiaoxun say that too. my xiaoxin asking me not to stress. nana is always there asking me not to stress always. xiaowei saying i am thinking too much when others also liddat. seriously i must thanks the 4 of them! thanks !

NANA, dont be sad anymore! i hope u feel better after today! just remember what i told you, just remember i will be there! just remember i am another rq to u! remember all the things i say! hahas, somemore i manage to make me laugh until so happy! i am happy too! CHEERS*

-end

NANA and me decided to start our life all over again! we decided to stay happy and jumped over the happy ring together! HAHAS, I AM HAPPY! thanks NANA! =DD we are the bestest bestie! i love NANA! LOVES--

xiaowei! thanks , i always feel so nice after sending him songs! thanks , xiaowei! hahas, he is so sweet and cute! hahas, he told me that if i got no one to hear my singing, i can record it down and send him! OMG, I AM SO TOUCHED! thanks! i love xiaowei! i love xiaowei! LOVES-

my xiaoxin! omg, he is just another me! hahas, i will never be sad with him around! i will never never be sad! he just make my day nice always! HAHSAS, just the best best xiaodi i have ever! just the one that i love so much always! just the one who is always there for me! I LOVE XIAOXIN! hahas! LOVESS-

xiaoxun! hahas, omg, got him a new name! hahas, he is so nice always! thanks! just that i dont love him so much! hahas, I LOVE XIAOXUN TOO! LOVES-- hahas!

everyday will be a happy day for me =D
smiles*

=SIGN OFF=

// SPEECHLESS - - Jul. 31, 2006 at 06:28 AM
today i went home quite early i supposed! hahas, is consider early at least to me! hahas!

today went school with NANA as usual! hahas! got a real shock from CHEW DAWEI today! argh, i was totally SHOCKED and i SCREAMED! thanks DAWEI huh! hahas! alrights, today is a very not good day for NANA! her mood went down to 99.99999deg after GP lesson! i know she is angry with what
because i am not very happy with it too somehow! somemore she is more angry after chinese lesson because of 2 matter! firstly, nana, dont care about the thing that happened in class which you told me over the phone! the second matter is about her CCA! nana, dont angry! i know u are super angry because when you called me and told me i could feel the heat from you! so nana, dont sound angry le okie! GOT LIHUI HERE! HAHAS, UR DARLING HELPS U ALWAYS! GOT ME GOT ME GOT ME!

after school go and find mr ang and see the physics book with jinlong! hahas, then that jinlong want me show that woodlands popular got sell the book! so he is finally convinced by ME!

ZhongXun, GOGOGO! thanks okie! hahas, he is funny because he use the way i cheer him up to cheer me up! hahas!

i just dont like! i just dont like! i just dont like! i am just so scare! i am just so scare! i am just so scare! i just dont know! i just dont know! i just dont know!

something which make me unhappy today.. i wish i could never see it! argh, screams*

its the way you make me feel, u make me feel so sad always! make me feel so numb! make me feel so dumb! make me feel so idiot! make me feel so lost! make me feel so meaningless! make me feel so argh!

i am going to be lost from someone's eyes! i am going to keep myself quiet and try not to kaijiao you anymore. i will keep myself very very quiet in front of you now. i am going to create new impression!

my sky are getting darker and darker as the days go by! i am getting more and more afraid too! i am getting more and more hopeless. i dont know where to go, dont know what to do. feeling so lost in my world, no more sense of direction! feeling that there is no goal in my life! nothing is in my lyfe! argh, cries. sigh! big big sigh!

just feel so speechless!

=SIGB OFF=

dreams // - Jul. 30, 2006 at 05:48 AM
yes, i am back finally back to update my blog!

my days are hard and stress when there is PW! seriously, pw is driving me crazy! i cried for pw almost one day per day! friday i cried three times! i dont know why, the tears just keep on rollig down! i told myself not to cry, but i cant! i just cant stop it. argh, lihui! stop crying!

yesterday i dream of jinlong, nana and me doing our project work! i dream of jinlong having a very innovative idea for pw and he gave something to shigehisa! then i was awake by nana's sms! so i fall asleep after that again! this time round i dream of happy fruit, shigehisa and me! i dream of shigehisa not talking to me and made me cry in my dreams! thats so terrible! heng all these are only dreams!

thanks shigehisa! i really need to thank him so much! hahas, thanks for being so good and nice always! hahas, he made my bad bad day into good good day on friday! hahas. thanks! HAHAS! the way he talked make me laugh! xiexie ni ler okie! LOVES-

thanks xiaoxin! hahas! i must always thanks him no matter what happen to me eh! hahas, he always make me happy when i am sad, make me more happy when i am happy! hahas =D i love my xiaodi! hahas, thanks! -LOVES

NANA! thanks too! thanks for being my bestest bestie in my life! hahas, we last forever! through friends undergo lots of problems, i am sure we are able to overcome all these problems! not only that, our guitar lesson is always the best because we are just basically laughing like mad! hahas, TINA~~ hahas, must always come for ur guitar lesson okie =D! oh ya, we share alot of little secrets hor =DD! we updated with each other things! i share all my secrets with NANA! hahas, we gossip over the same thing! whatever i get to know, she get to know too! HAHAS! hahas, i simply love my bestest bestie! THANKS! -LOVES

BESTEST BUD*weeling! dont be so sad ler okie! still got me eh! dont ever feel so sad la! i will always be there for you de okie! JUST remember to stay happy always! =DD! I MISS MY BESTEST BUD ALOT ALOT! LOVES-

i love the times when i am crapping with NANA!
both of us are like crazy, totally crazy!
we can do things that are inhuman, we can speak nonsense thing, we imagine funny things, we buy the same thing, we angry the same time, we sad the same time, we are SISTERS! hahas =D
the days are nice; I LOVE MY HAPPY TIMES!

happy times are always short, so i cherish them!

i told myself to be just happy!
so i am going to be happy no matter what happens!
so i am going to smile everyday!
so i am going to enjoy everyday!
so i am going to laugh everyday!

=SIGN 0FF=

say goodnight % - Jul. 25, 2006 at 07:11 AM
yes, tml final GPP due! omg, i am feeling so stress up again! checking of final GPP, the combination of frame work with GPP! the bookmark i am supposed to think of designing it! the call for interview with SLPS! somemore somemore! omg, i am dead! i feel like dying now!

thanks xiaoxin! hahas, he really make my day good again! hahas, i kmow his day is not good also because his nick sound fierce! hahas, i almost went OMG when i saw it. he always tell me to take care and tell me dont worry about him! hahas, so cute eh! i know how to takecare liao so i should be the one telling him! somemore i am always worry for him! hahas! being such a nice bestest friend, he change his nick in order not to let me worry! hahas, instead of feeling touched, i went saying who want worry about him! hahas, then he say suan liao! hahas, so the things went on! oh ya, i made him speechless again! HAHAS, i know he know! hahas =DD thanks xiaoxin! i really really love u! thanks for being there always no matter what happens! take care OKIE! -LOVES!

shigehisa! thanks so much too! he is so nice, always show me funny video clips when i am down! thanks so much! you rock, i stone! HAHAS, LOVES-

nana, thanks for being there too. thanks thanks. i dont know how to express my thanks to you too because i also dont know! LOVES-

qingaide! thanks too! i feel so so so OKIE when you asked me whether i am okie or not! I AM OKIE; believe me! hahas! hope u are okie too hor! LOVES LOVES LOVES-

i feel so overloaded with things that i am supposed to do. i feel that my invisible bag is really too heavy! very very heavy! i feel like throwing the bag down! i dont wish to carry on; i dont wish to go on; i dont wish to live on! i got alot alot of wishes!
my love ones are here; so all the wishes are to be thrown away from my mind!

i am going to be alive alive alive.

trust me- the world is fair x)

going school tml very early due to the PW file! hahas, PW! i am doing everything for PW! please make sure PW make the group happy!

i wish everyone around me to be happy!

anyway today i saw something in school which make me feel so sad! am i seeing the wrong things, i feel like asking the person! argh, should i or shouldnt i? i am confuse-

argh, my xiaodi*xiaoxin offline ler! hahas, out of a sudden i feel like listening to say GOODNIGHT! hahas! I LOVE MY XIAOXIN! HAHAS, DAJIE LOVES XIAODI!

=SIGN OFF=

// thoughts - - Jul. 24, 2006 at 07:40 AM
hey people, i am back to update my blog again!

yesterday was totally a bad and unsuccessful day! we failed so many times, till the both of us were so tired and restless! imagine how many leaves we cut and killed! argh, i am so sad and depressed when it fails. the experiment failed totally made my world upside down! argh, cries! somemore we are really in need of ideas...

celebrated my cousin's b'dae at party world and was not really enjoying myself when i received nana's call x( i went so sad after that!

went home and went online the first thing! chatted and discussed! so finally we settled on what to do! the heart feel nice, very very nice.

today went to school with nana abit earlier! went to school, settled the overview together with the guys! today nana is still very very paranoid and went to 99.99deg cel! i am not so paranoid and went to 99.98deg cel! so everyone stays away from us!

after school, went to do the things we were supposed to do! hahas, finally finally finally! i am like OMG OMG! dying please! i hope this works! printed our survey too! argh, finally finally! interviews going to settle soon! argh, finally finally! everything is going to be finally i think!

very very depressed during chinese lesson! i am just basically drawing and writing lots on a piece of papers! making it colorful and penful! dont worry so much, i will do my best for everything! somemore i wont get overwork or what okie! just believe in me!

saw the hip hop today! alrights, just so COOL and HOT! hahas, i saw shigehisa's dancing! it is so unbelievable! hahas, because i dont feel that he is in for that! nevertheless, he is very very actively involved! hahas, see him dance, i also feel like laughing non-stop! very CUTEEEE! he rocks my world always! oh ya, he say that one my picture looks like auntie! ARGH, kill him but i dont bear to do so! i will lost one NICE and CUTE friend then! LOVES-

chatted with my bestest boyfriend xiaodi, xiaoxin today! OMG, my day is grey before chatting, totally GREY! after chatting with him, my day is GOOD! hahas, he is just like the one who can always brings my day with a smile! hahas, thanks XIAOXIN! somemore he know i miss him eh, SHYSHY* hahas! i love my xiaoxin! HAHAS! not forgetting my halfDI too! hahas, LOVES-

i wish the good times will last and the bad times will be gone soon. i dont wish to see the black clouds but the big bright sun! i wish i wish i wish! argh, when can i feel good always. i wish happy last forever; forever-

simple plan got great songs which suit my mood always. hais-

=SIGN OFF=

I LOVE IJC037 < screams! - Jul. 22, 2006 at 08:47 PM
BACK BACK TO UPDATE MY BLOG!

i am so tired now and i had only less than 5 hours of sleep. my whole body aching; my backbone is in pain! argh, helps-

yesterday, all of us went to jinlong's house to do our project! all of us ate pizza at his house; smell the bleach at his house! reached there around 2+ and we start doing our experiment! we were doing our overview GPP at the same time! at least we spend those waiting time into good use!

went off with nana at 7.20pm for our guitar lesson! reached my house at 7.30pm; went in get my guitar; brought nana to my house's toilet and then set off to admiratly to take mrt! reached mrt station at 7.40pm and we waited 5 minutes for the mrt! so took mrt to bukit gombak! omg, i am like rushing here and there! alrights, we was like 5 minutes late for our guitar lesson! did not really paying attention to my guitar lesson with nana when we know the experiment failed! argh, my mind keep asking me; lihui, what should you do now? what you want to do!

argh, this is killing me! so nana and me were like thinking what to do! so we were 1o1% talking and thinking! so we came up with all sort of ideas! argh, hope it works! we took photos during the guitar lesson! hahas! thats so HAHAS!

went to buy whatever nana need cos she doing the experiment at home! hahas, my house got everything, so i got nothing to buy! reached home at 10+pm! start my experiment the first thing! argh, praying hard while doing! chatting with nana online till 3+pm! argh, was like chatting and waiting the experiments!

i could not sleep yesterday when i am on bed, my mind keep asking me to work harder and sleep less. i hope everything works for my project! yes, please let us success! we are going bonkers! everyone seem to be pek chek; i understand why. because 7hours and nothing success. i would definitely CRY! we wont give up! yes, we MUST NOT GIVE UP!

virus; bacteria; fungus; germs; worms % i love all of them / <3<3<3 - i hope this will always be in my mind; it must always be in my mind! we braved through storms and rain together; we laughed together; we got depressed together; we got pek chek together; we fighted together; we argued together; we played together; we crapped together; we lamed together; we did so many things together! seriously, i just love IJC037! we are definitely the best!

nana asked me; cant you imagine one day when you do not have any pw meetings anymore?
alrights, i dont know how to answer her; but definitely i feel odd. not only that, i will missed the times.

nana and me were like talking so many things on the way to bukit gombak! we just love to hang out with our pw group! we love them; yes we do.

alrights, now i am going to prepare and meet my darling nana now! we are going to CWP and find plan B, C, D, E or whatever we have in mind! she is coming to my house now and leaving the leaves at my house before going to CWP!
today is our last trail; we will succes; we must success!

please, please, let us success.

=SIGN OFF=

late at night // - Jul. 21, 2006 at 09:33 AM
i am back again! arlights, i am dying this 3 days because i had been sleeping really late and i am on the phone for 2 hours at least per night to do PW! i was typing proposal like mad, discussing on the phone like mad too and thinking like mad of course! argh, terrible but worth it.

my weekends are busy too because on sat we got to go to leader house to do our things, then got my guitar lesson till 9+pm! by the time i reached home is already 10+pm always! then sunday must go NANA house, bukit gomak and do our substantion of WR! argh, kill me! weekend = busy too! somemore sun is the celebration of my cousin's b'dae at party world, guess i wont be going because i will still be in NANA house by then i think! i want to go because i want to enjoy! sad!

now my whole body is like aching from head to my little tiny toes! my kidney also pain now! especially my back bone! oh no, is terrible! i am tired, really very tired! just one close of my eyes, i guess i will be already in my lala land! LALA land, here i come! wait for me a little longer!

today is not my day! i wasnt smiling at the first half of the day with NANA because we are worried about something! argh, i also duno why! the thing just made the both of us quiet! soon, we are still back to normal at least!
CHEM STRESS TEST! - TOTALLY GONE CASE! argh, should blame myself for being so dumb!

thanks NANA, FANGWEN AND LINKAI for ur chem guidance always if not i would have fallen long time ago! not forgetting my leader, JINLONG! please take care hor! WE STILL NEED YOU! hahas! hope he rest well for this 3 days at least!
I LOVE MY PW GROUP ALOT! I REALLY REALLY LOVE THEM! THANKS, i do not know how to express my thanks towards you guys!

everything is the same! the friendship between the lost trust is back! just because i cannot afford to lost her somehow! she means so much to me! i dont deny that i need her! argh, thanks! we will last, like what you told me. everything is the past now. history dont repeat.

i feel like breaking my bones this moment! the pain is killing me! argh, i dont like to go and see doctor again because of backbone! the pain numb my legs! thats so ARGH, UNCOMFORTABLE!

cant stand the pain,
cant make it go away.

=SIGN OFF=

dreams // illusions // reality - Jul. 18, 2006 at 05:12 AM
back in action after one day break!

yesterday was school holiday for all innovians! hahas, feel great!!

yesterday early morning i am abit down at the night and i really really went crazy! so i make myself in coma so that i could only dream and dream! i sleep at 2am and wake up at 10am+ to bring my little brother to school and also fetch him back at 1pm! then after all things done, i went to make myself in coma again! so i went to sleep at around 4 then wake up at 6pm! the moment i wake up i was like why cant i sleep longer? i dont feel like eating anything at all so i just went to on the comp and do whatever i need. one day just gone x)

my halfDI was in confused yesterday. i dont know what is the best choice for him at all because i dont really know the matter well, i dont know what can i do for him. i really hope whatever choice he made, he will be happy. he will be still the little lex i know now and forever! I LOVE MY HALFDI! I LOVE MY XIAODI TOO! LOVES-

chinese a level listening comprehension today. supposed to be a very gan chiong day but my classmates make the my gan chiong day into my laughing day! i feel not gan chiong when i was laughing like mad, instead i feel so HOT! hahas, just stop calling my name so loudly and overly! hahas! 12B, i LOVE-

i told her the truth, things just wont be the same as before.

doing all the things alone now, making myself in a stress mode now, making myself as busy as a bee, making all brain cells down, making me living in a hell too. argh, i am going bonker if things continues. sigh.

everytime people make a mistake, the most they can do is just to say SORRY. thats the most the person can do, what more can they do. do we really need to forgive every mistake people make in their life? sometimes, i dont think my mistake is to be forgiven as it is too over! if every mistake are forgive, then i think everyone will make countless of mistakes in their life.

the world is fair... the world is always fair... tell me all this are not my illusions at all. tell me it is fair always. argh, choose to believe my illusions.

i hope i can make all my illusions or dreams become reality.

-GONE-

=sign OFF=

XIAOXIN, BE HAPPY! - Jul. 16, 2006 at 07:09 AM
back to update my blog again!

chatted with xiaoxin today! he feel that his life is so .... up. asked him why and he told me! argh, xiaoxin, dont be liddat! i will be there always! i will be for sure! remember my xiaoxin are supposed to be happy! u wanna to see this ahJIE sad sad ar? hahas, we chatted alot alot of things. chatted about his friends! hahas, not to worry, u still got me! hahas! I LOVE XIAOXIN! MAKE SURE U LIVE WELL! LOVES LOVES LOVES-

WEELING BEST BUD! hello! takecare okie! dont overstress! u noe i miss you and i noe u miss me! hahas, thannks for ASKING whether i got hit my head or not! hahas! dont worry so much! i am still ur BEST BUD that will be there for ya till u die! hello! we LIVE SO CLOSE lo! hahas, less than 5 minutes we can find each other liao! BEST BUD, I REALLY REALLY MISS U! BRING ME BACK TO PAST! I MISS U! takecare!

the feeling of alone is gone. the feeling is gone when my xiaoxin talked to me, i feel that he is there always. i am wrong to say i lose my trust because i did not lose my trust on xiaoxin, lex, shigehisa, poixin, weeling, my cousins, my family and a few more.

i admit i lose my trust on someone somehow when i found out that she ... i dont know how to put those into words. i find myself being so dumb. am i wrong to trust you and ur words in the first place? you dont treat me like how i treat you, just treating me as someone who can lean on me when u need me. i dont mind be the one who always there for you but ... i dont know what to say. from today onwards, no more calls from me to you, no more sms from me to you, no more chats from me to you, no more outings from me to you. everything will be gone and be a history. thats what i am going to do. sorry.

what am i going to do? i am very confused this time round. i want to be heartless but i cant bring myself to be so heartless sometimes. i dont know why too. i am crazy. i am nuts. so let me be who i am, dont bother about me.
go away go away go away from me. i am full of torns that will hurt you. go away before i hurt you.

tell me that everything is just my illusion.
soon all this will be gone.

i am just a little unhappy, i will be okie soon i think.
dont stay with me because you cant breathe.

=SIgn Off=

my lyfe? - Jul. 14, 2006 at 08:27 AM
hello people! i am back! finally finish my PW survey! argh, spending 2hours+ typing and editing and i am going bonker. i am like so dead now, hais.

i am stress, stress, stress! very very stress. i got so much things to do in a limited time. argh, i am really going bonker liao! argh, save me!

i dont feel nice anymore. i dont feel good at all. i dont feel the same anymore. out of a sudden, i feel so alone. i feel there is no one else beside me now. i am just so not okie.

why am i feeling this way out of a sudden. i thought i could be strong. i thought i could brave through everything. i thought i could still bring a smile on my face everyday. i thought everything was as simple as what i think. i thought everyting will be solved.
just then i realised i am too naive. if everything is like how i think, things wont be like what i see now. so am i wrong for being naive?
i have been thinking alot nowadays. i have been thinking who can i put my trust to now. no one seem to allow me to put my heart and trust on now. am i feeling very very wrong. i told myself before that i trust all the people who i know. how about now?

i describe relationship between people as fragile, no matter is friendship or what. every relationship is so fragile that they would never be the same if something happen on it. no matter how much effort you put into it, it will just never ever be the same as before.
someone told me that once you know a person longer, you no longer feel the same. why?

i want to be just a simple person who leads a simple life, with simple thoughts. i dont want anything to be so complicated. i dont like things to get complicated because i know i could not handle complicated things. if things are not as simple as i think, i would start to have lots of different thinking in my mind. alot alot of thoughts would come in. then my mind will run wild, and i am going to start imagining alot of things again. can someone tell me what to do in order to let these thoughts go away?

i know i am nasty. i know i am irritating. i know i am noisy. i know i am stupid. i know i am petty. i know i am very moodswings. i know i am very hot-tempered. i know i am very fierce. i know i am very childish. i know i am very idiot. i know who i am. i just want all this who i am to get away from me in order to make me feel better.

i am not okie this time round. i am really really not okie. just stay with me or go away from me.
this life of mine seem to be so worthless now.
i dont know what to do anymore, hais.

=SIGN OFF=

random x) - Jul. 04, 2006 at 05:49 AM
BOO! had my A level chinese oral today! i am going to flunk it, argh. no words can say how i feel now. people told me is over, so let it be. sigh. i dont know.

saw my xiaoxin*xiaodi and guanhui*saidi in CWP today! i saw xiaoxin and i hide myself behind NANA*darling eh but still he saw me! hahas, so CUTEEEE eh! hahas, anyway NANA*darling also agree he handsome! hahas! chatted with him and he asked me is it that i am scare of him? omg, no huh xiaodi, think too much! anyway i LOVE my xiaodi! LOVES-

shigehisa is funny eh! today saw him again! hahas, that time saw him was outside CWP! hahas! so paiseh eh! hahas. anyway jia you okie x) all the best eh! hahas, takecare! he look like hua ze lei eh! hahas, make me think of sec 2 ah and my korkor is hua ze lei eh! hahas! LOVES-

everything seems to be a nightmare to me. i am feeling so scare now. very very scare. i dont know what to say at all.

studies? everyone is so competitive and i am so scare. even though the person may tell you that he/she is not competitive but they are still challenging with you deep in their heart. sigh, i dont wish to see this at all. everyone around me is getting such a good grade except for me. so are they all liars or am i the dumb one?

all say NO STUDY NO STUDY then come out results PASS furthermore some can even come to me and hao lian their RESULTS! so idiot please. i feel like killing them. no need to show off that you are smart, get lost of my sight.

BIG BIG sigh. making myself more dumb/stupid or whatever it is everyday. i am losing hopes in everything, that includes my friends. i am losing trust not only on them but also on myself. i found myself being such a dumb one in the class.

i dont trust anyone more because all are just someone who come and talk craps with me and turn their back doing another different things.

the one you love most is always the one who hurt you the deepest. i am full of wounds and injuries. what should i do. someone tell me should i let those wounds heal or make them worse. argh, full of thoughts now. i am hurt by someone, thanks to that someone.

i feel i should not be carrying my mask anymore. i am going to drift myself apart from everyone but i always fail to do so. i dont understand why i fail too. i dont wish to see myself another break down again, i dont wish to see myself feeling so down again. i dont wish. how much longer can wear my mask?

i feel so bad whenever i feel like telling someone that i really HATE the way you treated me yet i did not tell how i feel! i really feel like shouting it right in front of the person, but i do not have the courage to do so! i feel that i have LIE to the person on what i feel about the person, what am i supposed to do. should i tell the person how i feel or should i be quiet as not to hurt anyone still. i dont know. i am feeling so terrible inside me. the person took me for granted i think, so i should not give the special grant to the person anymore.

STOP CRITISING! i am sick of hearing all those nonsense from that VOODOO again! if you like to comment, save those comments to yourself, i dont wish to hear a single thing. do you know that you are very very irritating! you really make me hate myself so much till i can no longer think of any good things on me again! i dont care what you want to say because is your mouth, just get lost away from me!

i will forgive but i will never forget. call me petty or whatever you like but this is me. i can forgive you but i will never forget how you treated me once before. i will remember till i die, i assure you for that.

SIGH. why am i still here. why am i still carry on my lyfe. is it better to end it now or later? chang tong bu ru duan tong. so how?

i dont know what to blog, so this is just a random entry. people, dont think too much okie x)
just feel that my lyfe is meaningless and blog all this for fun!

DO I HAVE A CHOICE? -sigh.

=SIGN OFF=

when i say i love you ; i really do (:
---------------------------------------------

only illusions;

11:40 PM